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BINGO! 5 Steps to Soothe Yourself

We all experience moments in our lives which cause us to lose our emotional footing and when our feelings soar out of control. The mistake that many people make, is that they rely on their partner or on the person that has upset them, to soothe their hurts and return them back to normal. While it is important that your partner is responsive to your distress, relying on him or on her to fix your feelings puts undue stress on the relationship and perpetuates the conflictual cycle.

During such moments, it is essential to have the ability to soothe yourself so that you can get back to your normal level of functioning before working on resolving the conflict or the situation that has upset you. This way, you can resolve it from a place of calm rather than chaos.

So here are 5 quick and practical steps to self-soothing.

Use these 5 steps when you are in conflict with your significant other or when a situation has you riled all up. Once you are calm, you will then be able to address the conflict or situation in a healthy way.

 

5 Steps to Soothe Yourself – BINGO!

    1    Breathe. Take a GOOD, deep, slow breath.

    2    Identify the feeling…. “Right now, I am feeling angry”

    3    Normalize the feeling…. “I feel angry because my dog chewed up the towels…again. My anger makes sense.”

    4    Give yourself grace… “It’s okay to feel angry about this, my feelings are permissible”

    5    Own your response…“I can either yell at my dog, slap him silly, and send him to his crate, OR I can calmly tell him ‘no.’ and send him to his crate”

Using these 5 Steps, you can get yourself back on track, and respond, rather than react to your significant other or to the situation.

Remember, all emotions are permissible and okay when expressed in healthy ways.

by Lana Banegas, LMFT